She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
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