This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Randomize
