Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
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