i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
