Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
