I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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