OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
