I've blown a few things in my day
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
