So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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