I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
