She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Randomize
