The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Randomize
