My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
A bitchslap is in order.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
