Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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