she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
