So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
