So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
you guys were way drunker than both of me
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize