Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
