I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
