i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
