Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize