Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
