6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
