Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Randomize
