I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
