lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
