Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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