arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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