Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
