I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
