I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
