I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
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