Fine. I'll sleep in my office
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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