Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
You ruined the universe
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
