But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
