Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
