Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Randomize
