Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Randomize
