Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
