Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
And my parents said I crawled through the house
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
