i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
