my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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