at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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