Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
