Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
