My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
