i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Randomize
