i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
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