I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Hippo gnu deer
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
