wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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