honey bunches of taint.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Randomize
