Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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