lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
