Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Randomize
