i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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