That's when you crack a 10am beer
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
They have beer where we have blood.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
