Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
