Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
