peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I hope mine doesn't look like that
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
