it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
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