Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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