week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
