just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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