Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Randomize
