When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
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