If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
