I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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