Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
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