Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
