so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
