and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
someone owes me an orgasm
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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