I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
