Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
