He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
